I want to love…

Yes, of course there are different kinds of love and there is no restriction on many of them.

But regarding romantic love, it works best (works at all) if there is real reciprocity. They say it takes two to tango. I can feel and experience loving intensely, but when are – writing here – is the only outlet, when one is denied the experience of lavishing that love in a way that results in exuberant joy of the recipient, it festers and rots.

Fantasy is a partially effective preservative, but imperfect and also prone to entropy.

I cannot count the times I see someone and all I want to do is wrap my arms around them and tell them they are wonderful and worthy and incredibly loved. I empathize with their plight and want nothing byt joy and prosperity for them. I want them to know they are loved.

But… I know… from enough painful experience that any attempt I make at that will be awkward at best, and more likely come off as inappropriate.

I want to love. I want to make one (or more… I’m not picky there) beloved feel… loved.

…but I’m not finding people I can do that to who are openly receptive of those emotional outbursts from me.

….and I don’t even know where to start. So I ope to begin with the only aspect I can control: Making myself a better person who others might feel safe around and who might be appreciative of a little affection… from me.

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